Dig

Downstairs the house is empty. Well, mostly. We left a few things on the existing hardwood floors, chairs and a small table; things for eating.

I've found that the process of moving out of a section of your house is very much like an archeological dig. I'm finding layers, previous versions of my house that I didn't know were there, or things I knew were there but I forgot.

Among my discoveries:

• The original color of the cabinets in our kitchen is a very strange pseudo-wood taupe. I'm kind of relieved they were painted aggressive white, even if it is a pain to clean.

• I haven't splashed as much down the side of the range as I thought.

• When the previous owners re-did the kitchen they didn't replace the wallpaper under the cabinets. OK, I knew this. But until we moved the fridge and the stove I didn't realize how bad it really looks. Each wallpaper seam is separating, like continents that want to get away from each other. I see wallpaper removal in my future.

• The "Warning I'm 2" t-shirt of BigSister's that I lost six months ago was in the rag pile. And it probably should have been, as it had a massive stain that now won't come out.

• That the first mouse we had, the one my husband called "George" and thought was cute, left little piles of mouse poo behind the bar and under BigSister's bed.

• That re-training the cat to a new litter box location is a bigger pain than I remembered.

New floors tomorrow! Sleep at a time yet to be determined....

Why one shouldn't let a one-year-old keep holding Daddy's toothbrush during a diaper change

Yeah. Uhh, I'll just let you use your imagination.

If I used tags, this one would go under "errors in Mommy Judgement."

What Would You Do If You Had To Evacuate?

The phone rang at 7 this morning. It was the mover. "I'm sorry I'm late," he said "Traffic is really heavy because they are evacuating Apex."

A cold chill came over me. "They are evacuating Apex?" I had only one thought. Because down there in Apex, see, we got us a new-clee-ar power plant.

"You should turn on the TV," he said. "The Environmental Quality Plant blew up and they are evacuating." All I could think is "what is an Environmental Quality Plant? Is it part of Shearon Harris?"

So I hurried up to my computer. As it turns out, Environmental Quality is a private hazardous waste company. I was downright relieved to learn it was "just" a chemical fire. Even though I'm not in the "evacuation area" for the nuclear power plant, if it was that I'd be scurrying for the hills.

Then I got to thinking. What would I have done if I'd had to evacuate? I mean, my house is not a monument to organization right now. If pressed, I could find a file that has the kids' birth certificates and my marriage certificate and a few other vital papers. I was talking to my mother-in-law and she said "I'd take pictures and videos." I thought "most of ours are on the computer. We couldn't pull the hard drive in time. Would we just toss the CPU in the trunk?" And what about kid clothes? What if we have to evacuate when I need to do laundry? Would I just throw a bunch of dirty laundry on top of the dog in the trunk and run? And there is that diabetic cat, I better bring her stuff too. Or should I leave her here with a pile of food and a prayer?

Maybe we should have gotten that mini-van; I don't know how we'd fit all this in the car. Clearly, I'm going to have to give "evacuation plan" some thought.

Stress Stress Stress

Monday we get new hardwood floors. As I've said in the past, we have very good reasons for getting hardwoods.

But that doesn't make this time any easier.

We have to move out of the downstairs. We have to haul our refrigerator and our stove into the garage. We have to live in the upstairs of our house, without a stove, for the better part of three weeks. We have to actually move out of the house when the floors are refinished.

Tomorrow a mover comes. I think. When he called he said "did I wake you?" and I lied and said "no" but he did wake me and now I'm thinking "did he say he was coming on Friday or on the 7th? Because I'm thinking he said the 7th and I thought 'Friday' but now I realize Friday isn't the 7th." So I'm going to have to call him. Among my other questions:

• I hope we don't have to turn off the refrigerator for very long before we move it. Because I have stuff in that refrigerator, stuff I want. And I was thinking we'd just unload it into grocery bags, move it, plug it in, and load it back up. I'm assuming that will work. Will that work?
• Should we get rid of our evil dishwasher as long as we're getting rid of stuff? It doesn't wash a blessed thing. Can the mover move a dishwasher?
• Will the movers do packing, or do I have to get all items of furniture cleared of stuff today? And is it today?

Stay tuned.

Biting A Hole Through My Tongue

She said: I've put some laundry on your pile.
I said: Which pile? (to which she said "the one on the washing machine.")
I wanted to say: You want me to do your laundry when you are only here for two days?

She said: These veggie chips are really good. [Looking at the package]. They have A LOT of calories. A LOT of calories. They really have A LOT of calories.
I said: They are for the children. The kids need calories. [Seriously, I'm on doctor's orders to get more fat into my kids.]
I wanted to say: Have you noticed that only the kids eat them? Could you not snarf the whole bag, because usually it lasts us a week or more, not one day?

I said: The kids really like brocolli.
She ate the whole container of leftover brocolli.
I wanted to say: Could you PLEASE stop eating the kids' food????? Did you have to eat all of it?

She said: What can I do to help?
I said: Make sure the kids stay in the other room while I'm cooking.
I wanted to say: Why is this kid crawling up my leg in the kitchen? What part of "stay in the other room" don't you understand? How about "second-degree burn"? Would you understand that?

I said: We eat late because I have to wait for husband to watch the kids while I cook.
She said: I can watch the kids.
I wanted to say: Then why don't you? Why every time do they wind up underfoot??? And don't even get me started on the time you were watching BigSister and she went for a "swim" in the toilet.

She said: So I see the kids haven't started writing on the walls yet.
I said: The kids will write on the walls. They just aren't permitted to. We take out the crayons for drawing and put them away afterwards.
She said: Oh well, Kay (their cousin) writes on the walls with lipstick. She gets up on the stool and gets it. And she draws on the carpet with nail polish.
I wanted to say: Does my sister-in-law supervise her kids? Ever?

She said: BigSister! Don't stand so close to the TV!
I said: BigSister, will you sit by Daddy?
I wanted to say: I know that it doesn't really matter if you stand too close to the TV. But if you don't move Grandma will never stop saying "move." I'm more concerned that since she wants to watch football all day you've seen more commercials today than you've seen in your whole life.

My tongue hurts. Really.