Visions of Hardwood Dancing In My Head

About two weeks ago I made some wonderful chocolate gelato from Baking Sheet. My husband was enjoying it, and sharing it with LittleSister. Suddenly I noticed something by her feet. "Uhh, honey," I said. "Is that chocolate on the carpet?" And it was. Big spots of chocolate, ground into the carpet under one-year-old feet.

The next day I plopped the kids in front of the TV and started calling for floor bids. While I was at it I called for house painting bids, but that's a different issue.

The day after that BigSister tried to eat some bubble solution. Since she didn't like the taste, she then proceeded to start gagging herself. "Don't gag," I cried, even though she probably doesn't undertstand what gag means. "Here, take a sip of water and spit it out. I'll show you." She gagged up some soap solution on the kitchen floor. Thinking she was done, I cleaned it up and let her go in the living room. She then proceeded to vomit, while spinning around, like some kind of whirling sprinkler system of puke. It was peach YoBaby yogurt; she'd just finished a whole cup. It formed nice round concentric circles on the carpet.

Several people came to give bids on the floors. We have hardwood in the dining room; what I want is hardwood everywhere. No more carpet. Make it disappear. And while the price was a little more than I expected, the true shock is that we'll have to live essentially upstairs while the new floors are curing. I realize there are simpler ways to do it, but we want site-finished floors.

I took a day or two to think about it, and while I was thinking about it LittleSister had a diaper blowout that blew ... you guessed it ... onto the carpet.

Today I sent the deposit.

Tonight we came downstairs from bath, and I found the nastiest patch of brown I'd ever seen. It was about 8 inches in diameter, and there were what appeared to be turds. "Honey," I called. "I need some help with identification here." I was down on my knees and trying to sniff, yet not get to close. "I think it is poop." My husband came down and said "The dog must have thrown it up. She eats shit sometimes you know." So what I was looking at was regurgitated defacation. UUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHH.

Half a roll of paper towels later I cannot get new floors fast enough. A woman I know tried to talk me out of it today. "Hardwoods are loud," she said. "You can't sit down on the floor with the kids." Like I can sit down on the floor with the kids now? I don't even want to let them near this carpet!