I'm At War. Who Knew?

I just found this article the Washington Post ran this weekend called "Moms at War." The author has a book (big surprise) and is trying so hard to give a balanced picture of work-at-home and stay-at-home moms. But when it comes right down to it, it is clear that she doesn't like stay-at-home moms much. To quote: "What puzzles me is that despite the fact that I've crafted a pretty ideal work/family situation, at times I'm still envious of the trust stay-at-home moms seem to have in their husbands and in life, a breezy Carol Brady confidence that they will always be taken care of. Some days I'd kill for a dose of their faith that neither my husband nor life will leave me stranded, destitute, unable to protect myself and my children without the independence conferred by a job and paycheck of my own."

CAROL BRADY????? Could she pick a more insulting archetype? A never-employed career mom who was detached from reality in more ways than just her mom decisions.

And while I have a great deal of trust in my husband, what is up with the assumption that by staying home I'm assuming I "will always be taken care of." I worked for many years and have a large pile of savings to fall back on, savings of my own. I have a nice education and experience that I can use to find employment again.

What I am doing is living my life for the current scenario, not for some hypothetical worst case scenario (what if my husband, my savings, and my extended family all disappeared in a poof of smoke). I am also assuming I have a community; it always strikes me as very Western and maybe even very American to assume that we have no one to ask for help if the worst happens. I've had a pretty charmed life, but from others experience I have the impression that when the worst happens people are more willing to help than you'd think.

I admit, I have some jealousy of SOME working moms. I'm not jealous of the ones who feel they have to work, but I am a little jealous of the ones who want to work. My jealousy takes two forms. (1) I'm jealous of their having a job they like enough to stick with it. A big part of the reason I am at home is that I was very burned out on my job. (2) I am jealous of having a standing childcare arrangement. It is so hard for me to schedule anything, but especially self-care, like doctor's appointments and haircuts. It makes me feel like a more marginal person. I have a hard time justifying paying money for childcare when I'm not working.

Mostly, though, I notice that everyone's situation is different. I know mine is. It is a function of age and financial status and the work situation at the time. I have friends who work; I have friends who stay home. I don't try to assign them to one of two opposing armies. The world is much more complicated than that.